Ciel Phantomhive's manly diary
by Michaelalizzy
Summary: Sebastian's making Ciel write in a diary. But what happens when it reveals more than it should? Or when Sebastian goes snooping? Rated T because this might end up somewhere awesome. XD Sebastian x Ciel just because I love them to bits. Every chapter starts with an entry before getting on with the plot. Make sense? It will soon enough. :
1. Chapter 1

**I'm not sure why but I had to write this. It's not a 'normal' diary thing but instead simply uses a diary to aid the story. Every chapter will start with a diary entry in italics and then get to the actual plot. I'm doing this at the same time as my other story but I really had to do this. I'll update as often as I can. Haha, enjoy!**

_**Disclaimer: Just gonna put this once… I don't own Kuroshitsuji. I don't own Sebastian or Ciel. Unfortunately. :P**_

_How do I start? Umm... Dear Diary,_

_ Sebastian is making me write in you, you repulsive thing. Something about 'dealing with my problems through writing, not violence' and 'taking my anger out on you instead of him'. I wasn't really paying attention. Guess he got tired of me chucking things at his head every morning. *sigh* I was getting a lot of practice aiming._

_ This seems like something Elizabeth would do. I see no point in this. Whatsoever. How is writing supposed to help with anything? Whatever, Sebastian threatened to take away my sweets until I at least wrote _something.

_ Damn that bastard. _

_Damn him to _hell_._

_I will make the rest of his life MISERABLE! Sebastian, if you're reading this, first of all, CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED, second of all, stop snooping around other people's possessions and go make me something sweet. Preferably chocolate. Besides, it's not like I'm going to write my _feelings_ in here or anything. Because that would be girly. And a 14 year old demon is not _girly_._

_Whatever,_

_ Ciel Phantomhive, out._

Ciel slammed the notebook shut and launched it towards the door, full speed. Unfortunately enough, Sebastian chose this moment to walk into his study. With his amazing reflexes he reached his hand out to the side a couple inches and caught it, avoiding a dent in the wall he would surely have had to repair later.

"Amazing, young master, you're getting better and better at chucking books at my head. Truly impressive."

"Tch."

"Now then, what is this book we have today?" Sebastian pulled his arm back towards him and flipped the book over to see the front. Finding it empty, he opened it to the first page.

Ciel gasped, how dare his butler look through something personal without permission? "G-Give me that!" He stumbled out of his chair, tripping over his feet in his haste. Sebastian raised the book a couple inches and continued reading, his face one of pure amusement. Ciel clawed at his butler's arm but Sebastian had a firm grip on the book.

"S-Sebastian! You have no right to-"

"But my lord, much of this is about me."

"B-But, Sebastian-"

Sebastian snapped the book shut and handed it back to Ciel who ripped it out of his hands and clutched it to his chest, glaring up at the much taller man.

"You seem awfully protective of that diary of yours. Although, I may suggest, instead of 'Dear Diary' you may prefer using the term 'Journal' if you're worried about being 'girly'. Please don't feel self-conscious about this. Many boys your age write in a journal or something similar. Especially going through puberty. **(A/N Because Ciel's a late bloomer I guess. XD)** It's a particularly uncomfortable time and it will probably be scary and awkward. Your body will start changing and-"

Ciel blushed furiously, "S-Stop talking!"

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about young master. In fact, I myself-"

"S- Shut up, Sebastian!"

Sebastian sighed; it was just getting fun, "Alright, my lord. But please know this, if anything happens you can come and talk to me. I'll find out sooner or later. I do undress you every day."

Ciel responded by blushing harder and turning on his heel to stalking back to his desk. He dropped his notebook into a drawer as if it was going to bite him and slammed it shut.

"But of course, the main reason I have you writing in this is because over the past year you've gotten more… how to put it… demonic."

"So what? I am a demon after all, thanks to you. Now I'm stuck in this…" Ciel paused, choosing his words carefully, "objectionable… world forever."

Sebastian pursed his lips. He had heard this story many times. Ciel blamed him and only him for his change from human to demon. It was not his place to object or to protest this. He was merely a butler. Well, one hell of a butler, but still.

Ciel continued, "Just because you couldn't do your job properly and keep me safe from the Trancys. And now you're stuck with me."

Sebastian simply stood there, not really paying attention, while Ciel rambled on about how terrible and awkward to felt to have Alois in his body. He felt bad for what he had planned if the Trancys didn't interfere. He was going to keep Ciel. Forever. He didn't think he could bring himself to consume the boy's soul. Not now… especially since…

"Sebastian! Are you even listening to me?"

"Of course, my lord."

Ciel opened his mouth to continue but Sebastian interrupted him, "I'm sorry, young master but it's time for you to retire for the night."

Ciel snapped him head to side to look out the window behind his desk. It was true, it was getting late. And now that he thought about it, he was getting a little tired. He hadn't had any sugar all day thanks to Sebastian's demented plan and it was catching up to him. AS if on cue, Ciel yawned against his will.

Sebastian smirked, "Come now, young master, let's get you undressed."

"N-no, Sebastian. Not yet. I'm not tired."

"Young master, please don't be difficult."

"I'm not being difficult! Just shut up and make me something with chocolate. A lot of chocolate."

Sebastian sighed, he seemed to be having one of those, 'choose your battles' debates in his head, "Yes, my lord."

**Just like my other fanfic, the chapters are starting out short. They'll get longer. Promise. Hope you guys enjoyed it! See ya later!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Haha, Sebastian is such a meanie! Sorry if it's a bit OOC but that makes it fun right?**

_Dear Diary,_

_ I'm sorry you were defiled by that demon's filthy hands. His hands are occupied at the moment. He's making me chocolate cake. Mmm, I can't wait. He should be back soon though. Then I'll have to hide you. I can't have him thinking I actually _like_ writing in you. That would be embarrassing._

_ No! Wait! Don't get the wrong idea. It's not like I enjoy writing in you. I'm simply bored. And who knows? You _may_ come in handy when I _finally_ hit puberty. Who knows when _that'll_ happen though. Not that I'm anxious or nervous about it. Nope. Not me._

_ I mean, can you believe he actually thinks he has the right to talk to me about that kind of stuff? It's so embarrassing and gross. Like, how far do you think he was going to go? I shudder at the thought._

_ But while we're on the topic I might as well say this. Now don't get me wrong, I've no interest in this stuff, but, I'm beginning to wonder about certain things. For example, how are babies-_

_ Oh! I think I hear Sebastian coming. I smell cake. Gotta go._

_ I love cake,_

_ Ciel Phantomhive_

Ciel barely had enough time to drop the notebook back into its spot in his desk drawer, when Sebastian came into his study with… wait for it… CAKE.

"Young master, I've brought you your requested cake."

"T-Thank you, Sebastian."

Sebastian raised an eyebrow, confused as to Ciel was stuttering.

"Are you alright, my lord? Did something happen?"

"Nothing happened, Sebastian." Ciel blushed and turned away, if Sebastian knew he had been-

"Have you been writing again, young master?" Sebastian could hardly keep the amusement out of his voice, "It's nothing to be embarrassed about, I told you."

The small boy flushed a bright pink as Sebastian placed the cake on his desk in front of him. Sebastian watched as Ciel took small bite, eyes closed.

His eyes flew open when the confection hit his tongue.

Sebastian smirked, "I added a little something extra. Is it to your liking, my lord?"

Ciel's eyes closed again and he whispered, barely audible, "Yes."

Sebastian smiled, not his signature smirk but a genuine smile at the small boy. Actually, he accidently knocked over the vanilla into the mix and didn't have time to start over. He figured it would be alright so he made a couple minor adjustments to the final recipe and it turned out better than he expected.

He watched as Ciel ate, who had forgotten his butler was still there. Sebastian debated about slipping out of the room but decided to stay by Ciel. It was getting late after all.

"Young master? Are you ready to retire now?"

"Hm. Yes, I suppose so, Sebastian." Ciel wasn't paying attention again, so when he rose to follow Sebastian to his room, he stumbled and tripped over an open drawer, the one he put his journal in. Sebastian was there in a flash, and caught Ciel, not letting him touch the floor. Ciel felt his butler's strong arms wrap around him, inches from the floor.

"Young master? Are you alright? You must be more careful."

Ciel felt his face flush bright red. Sebastian's face was so close to his. If he moved just a tiny bit closer then-

"My lord?"

Ciel hardly noticed the words coming from Sebastian's soft lips. What he did notice was the way Sebastian's raven-black hair fell around his face shadowing parts of it in the already fairly dark room. He noticed the way his hard eyes, softened into dazzling pools of red. He noticed the way his forehead crinkled slightly in worry. He noticed heat emanating from Sebastian's body, which wasn't helping his blushing problem.

"-ter. Young master. Can you hear me?"

Ciel mentally shook himself, embarrassed at what he was thinking. At least Sebastian couldn't read his mind. Right?

"Young master, if you can hear me, I need you to respond. My lord, I'm worried about you."

"S-Sebastian, sorry. I um… blanked for a moment."

Sebastian looked relieved and straightened, still holding Ciel in his arms. He placed the back of his hand against the small boy's forehead, feeling for a fever.

Sebastian sighed with relief and smiled, "Young master, are you sure you're all right? You still seem rather flushed."

"I- I- I'm alright Sebastian. Thank you."

"I'm so glad, my lord. Now let's get you to bed."

Ciel had a sudden urge to nuzzle into Sebastian's chest, into his warmth. But he knew he couldn't, "Can you put me down? I can walk on my own, you know."

Sebastian responded by pulling Ciel in closer. He smirked down at him, "We don't need you tripping again. It could result in you injuring yourself."

What he didn't say was he wanted to hold Ciel close to him. To feel his bright, blue eye watching his face intently. To feel his silken hair against his clothed arm. To feel his warmth through the fabric of their clothes. To feel the longing he had never felt before for anyone.

"Sebastian?"

Sebastian mentally shook himself, embarrassed at what he was thinking. At least Ciel couldn't read his mind. Right?

"Sebastian? Where'd you go?"

"I apologize, young master. I was… preoccupied with other thoughts."

Sebastian walked to the door and opened it, still holding Ciel close. He walked through the silent hallways; the only sound being his footsteps. Ciel settled down in Sebastian's arms unconsciously, slipping into sleep. Everything seemed to be moving slowly. Ciel noticed they were inside his room and thought about getting up, but Sebastian's body was warm and comfortable.

He slipped into unconsciousness while Sebastian slipped on this nightshirt. He slumped forward onto Sebastian's broad shoulders.

Sebastian smiled, half wishing Ciel was awake, but half wishing they could stay like this forever. He sighed softly and scooped up the boy's slender figure in his arms again. Ciel was so cute, like a baby. Sebastian rocked him back and forth, as he slipped further into dreamland. Careful not to wake him, Sebastian slipped Ciel into his bed, under his blankets.

"Good-night, my lord."

**Okay that was really fun. I figured something out. I absolutely LOVE Sebastian and Ciel together but keeping them apart is just really, really fun to write. Because it just is. And I have to say, I'm a little obsessed over it. Anyways, moving on.**

** I really, really love and appreciate every single review I get; it's like, just absolutely amazing. I really love knowing people enjoy what I write. I hope you guys liked this chapter! It took a little while but it was SO worth it. But I have a question for you guys. Should I bring in Grell? Because I think that'd be fun. Review or PM me and tell me what you think! XD Bye guys! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Kya! I'm excited! Short chapter though because I can't think of anything else to type. I need a plan… XD Thanks so much for favoriting/alerting/reviewing/reading this. I love you guys! And what do you think about giving our favorite Sebas-chan a diary? Because I don't need some schoolgirl-y demon on my hands. But it might be fun. XD**

_Dear Diary,_

_ For reasons unknown, I've decided to write in you again. Well, not necessarily unknown, it's because I'm bored. I want someone to play chess with but everyone thinks I'm dead and Sebastian always beats me. He always seems to know my next move, my overall strategy, no matter how stupid or amateur it may be. Why does he have to be so perfect all the time?_

_ I mean, everything about him is perfect, all the time. He always gets everything done perfectly. He cleans perfectly, he bakes perfectly, he gardens perfectly, and he serves perfectly. All the while, he looks perfect too._

_ Not that I like the way he looks. I don't like the way his perfect eyes see through everything, or the way his perfect lips form into that perfect smirk, or the way his perfect arms feel around my body when he carries me, or the way his perfect hair falls, and I absolutely HATE that annoyingly perfect bit of hair that falls in the middle of his perfect face. That damn demon._

_ …Why can't my hair be perfect like that?_

_ Hmm… I wonder if I could make him slip up in some way. Just a little mistake… Hm. This could be fun. I'll let you know how this goes._

_ Wish me luck,_

_ Ciel Phantomhive_

Quietly, Ciel placed the diary in its drawer and made sure to fully close it. He steepled his fingers and rested his forehead against them, smirking slightly. He pictured Sebastian's smug face. That perfectly smug face. Ciel's smirk widened. His fiendish mind had concocted a plan. Now he just had to wait for the right time to execute it.

Besides… maybe… if it worked… Sebastian would pay more attention to him. Even if it was only to get back at him. He needed someone to acknowledge him, even if it was only his butler. The only attention he had gotten for three years was from kidnappers and potential rapists. And a creepy mortician. And a creepy Chinese man. And a creepy fiancée.

What did Sebastian pay attention to? Besides the duties Ciel himself had given him. At any rate, it certainly wasn't Ciel himself. There was so much uncertainty surrounding his butler, Ciel got a headache trying to figure him out. What did he like to do? What was his family like? What about his previous contracts? His butler, Sebastian Michaelis, was a mystery to him and Ciel was now determined to find out more.

Meanwhile, our favorite Sebastian was in the kitchen baking. He wasn't sure what exactly he did to the cake last night besides knock over vanilla. After that, he did what he thought was best, while not paying attention. But if his young master thought it was good, he would try his best to recreate it. Ciel had gotten used to his usual desserts and normally seemed bored while eating. If it made Ciel happy, then Sebastian would take his time and do it properly, no matter what.

Of course, other than this, what made Ciel happy was unknown, not just to Sebastian, but, he thought, to the younger demon himself. What would put one of his cute smiles on his cute lips? Not like Sebastian would admit to himself that he particularly cared.

But damn, why did Ciel have to be so cute? The way his cute, child-like face looked, especially when he succeeded at something particularly difficult, the way his cute, big blue eyes looked up at Sebastian full of trust, the way his cute, silken hair framed his face, the way his slender figure felt, when curled up next to him, in Sebastian's arms. It all just made Sebastian melt and made his heart speed up a little. There was also this curious pang in his chest. As to what it was bewildered Sebastian, but he usually ignored it.

Ciel was the only thing on Sebastian's mind but he didn't know why. He is and has been for the better part of three years now. Sebastian worked so hard to please him every day. Why he did this for his rather demanding master was confusing and dumbfounded the older demon. Besides, Ciel couldn't care less. Sebastian knew everything there was to know about the boy but at the same time, knew nothing.

But still, despite all this, Sebastian constantly felt the need to make his young master happy. What exactly is it that makes Ciel smile? What, if he had a choice out of everything, would he choose to do with his free time? What did he like to do in his childhood, as short as it was? His master, Ciel Phantomhive was a curious boy indeed, and Sebastian was determined to figure him out.

Sebastian looked down at the mixture in the bowl he held in his hands. It looked the same. It smelt the same. But it wasn't the same. Something important was missing. What was it?

Sebastian almost smiled as he remembered Prince Soma and Agni. Something was missing in his curry and Sebastian had to rely on someone else to help him. That someone was his young master. His young master gave him what he needed. Even if it was an accident.

Sebastian whispered to himself, "Ciel gave me what I needed."

So Sebastian thought to himself, **(A/N Do you see what I did there? Huh? Huh? Huh? Tell me if you did. It'll make me happy. XD)** perhaps what he needed… was Ciel himself.

But… how does one… keep… a person?

**And that, my dear readers, shows how different Ciel and Sebastian are. While Ciel is in his study, trying to figure out how to mess up Sebastian, Sebastian is in the kitchen baking, trying to figure out how to make Ciel happy. :P I love these guys. And I especially love my reviewers. But there's this one person I absolutely ADORE…**

**I wrote a one-shot fanfiction where Ciel and Sebastian go skating. So the wonderful, wonderful InvaderPhantom16 drew this. #/d5ail8a I just love it to bits and Ciel is SUPER cute in it. Please go and just click on the link. And if you say anything bad about it I will sic my evil Sebastian on you. XD I mean, having someone draw something based on something you write is just awesome. (Hi InvaderPhantom16! I wuv u!) **

**Anyways, thanks so much for all the support in your reviews! I simply love all of you… even though some of you may be creepy stalkers who rape little kittens… Err… on that awkward note… Bye guys!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Oh my gosh, time to fangirl/ fanboy/ fanGrell! I got off my lazy butt and updated this! Feel free to shoot me as many times as you want for taking so long. It won't take as long next time. Promise.**

_Dear Diary,_

_It's been a week now and I still haven't seen a decent time to go through with my plan of making Sebastian screw up. But I might not need to anymore. He seems to be messing up all on his own. Don't ask me why, but he's often late when I call him and when he does finally come, he seems so hurried. And often, his tailcoat has been left behind, so he simply has on his white shirt and gray vest. His tie is often undone or carelessly tied and the collar of his shirt is drooping down enough to reveal part of his neck._

_ Not that I've looked._

_ Because that would be improper._

_ …_

_ But I haven't exactly pointed it out to him._

_ Hey, don't judge me! He's a _demon, _so of course he's somewhat attractive! If he wasn't, then how would he lure in humans and such? Besides, I've already admitted he looked perfect anyways, so shut up._

_ Oh god, now look where I am. Yelling at my diary in writing. Have I gone mad?_

_ Thinking about medication,_

_ Ciel Phantomhive_

Ciel sighed and closed his diary again. He would admit to actually becoming attached to writing in it. He had actually thought about thanking Sebastian for making him do it in the first place but that would involve him actually admitted to his demon that he _liked_ the diary. And that was something he wouldn't do. He set it and his pen off to the small table by the armchair he was sitting in and pulled the book he was actually reading closer to him. Well, actually, he had no interest in reading the book; he just needed something to do. His eyes kept skimming the paragraph at the top of the page without taking in any information. Being a demon was ever so dull.

"Sebastian," he said quietly, knowing his butler would hear him, "Come here."

A minute past. Two. Two and a half. "Young master?" Sebastian burst through the door without knocking, "I'm sorry, young master; I was otherwise occupied." Once again, his hair was awfully disheveled; the top button of his shirt was undone, as was his tie, which was hanging loosely around his neck. All Ciel would have to do would be to beckon his butler slightly closer, and grab the silken tie to pull his face down to meet his and the elder of the two would lean over him, making his neck crane back to see him and he'd say…

He blinked and put these shameful thoughts away with a faint blush and a promise to himself to analyze them later to perhaps dispose of them permanently. "Sebastian, what time is it?"

His butler stared at him dumbfounded, "My lord, there's a clock on the wall there behind you…" He trailed off, dumbfounded at the question.

"I'm aware of that, Sebastian," Ciel said truthfully, "But my question wasn't 'Where's the clock?' It was, 'What time is it?'"

"Young Master, if I may inquire something? You can, ahem, _tell time,_ correct?"

"Of course I can, do you think I'm daft?" the younger scoffed, "I merely prefer for you to tell me."

The butler stared down at the small boy in confusion. He seemed to be having a 'choose your battles' debate in his mind. He eventually sighed and conceded, glancing at the clock, "It is 3:45, my lord."

"Thank you, Sebastian. You may go now," Ciel dismissed him with a wave of his hand as he returned to his book.

But the demon didn't leave, "…Is that all you require, Young Master?"

"Yes. I said you may go now. Are you having trouble with your ears today?"

Sebastian hesitated another moment before bowing, "Of course not; I apologize. Call again if you need me." When he left, Ciel sighed. This was his life now; pointlessly annoying his butler in amateur ways. He felt like such a child.

But that didn't stop him from doing it.

**xoxo**

Sebastian returned to the kitchen quickly, taking his gloves back off and setting them on the counter. The counters were a mess, flour and sugar covered most of the floor and the sink was overflowing with dirty dishes. He had to stop trying to make this stupid cake. But he also had to make Ciel happy. Which one was more important?

The second one. His young master was far more important than anything else.

So then why couldn't he get his head together and focus?

**xoxo**

_Dear Diary,_

_ I was wondering about something. It's… rather embarrassing. My thoughts have turned to shameful and somewhat inappropriate places lately. I don't know what to do about them and I'm afraid they're only getting worse. I wonder if it's just because of my teenage age or because of something else even more embarrassing. Should anyone other than you find out about this, there's a rather large possibility that I would die of shame and embarrassment. _

_I'm not saying I dislike these thoughts but I'm not saying I like them. But when I have them, my body heats up in a rather… pleasant way._

_ I… cannot believe I just wrote that. Ignore that. Please, please, please ignore that._

_ …And now I'm pleading with the same inanimate object I was previously yelling at… Great…_

_ Going to research medications,_

_ Ciel Phantomhive_


End file.
